


Tonight I’ll Dust Myself Off

by Bananasplit86



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-06-01 00:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15130949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bananasplit86/pseuds/Bananasplit86
Summary: Leon appears beside him quietly, body close but not touching, eyes forward and narrow. Julian knows he’s hiding his emotions, closing himself off to the media, to the world. But he knows that Leon is hurting just as much, that the disappointment and disbelief is raging through his veins as well.He edges closer, as close as he can without crowding and dips his head, resting his forehead on Leon’s shoulder lightly, eyes fixed on the floor, drawing out the world as much as he can.





	Tonight I’ll Dust Myself Off

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cafe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafe/gifts).



> When you look at your last posted date and it’s months ago......
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little fic based on [THESE HEARTBREAKING PHOTOS](http://bananasplit86.tumblr.com/post/175407941100/flavenne-leon-goretzka-and-julian-draxler-at) when the NT returned from Russia.

He’s usually so good with crowds, and children. Especially the children. And he loves them, he loves laughing with them and making them smile with a simple ‘hello’ or a wave. He loves chatting with them and signing an autograph. Hopefully inspiring them to greater things in their lives.

But today.

Today he can’t. He knows they’ll be disappointed in the team, knows that their parents will have pity or bitter frustration in their eyes. So he does something he’s never done before. 

He sets the earbuds in his ears and turns the volume up as loud as he can bear, anything to lessen the cries and calls, from fans and media alike, that will come when he steps out into the hot Frankfurt air. 

He sees them as soon the doors open, but he doesn’t hear them, the music and earbuds working as he needs them to. He sees the young children, waving and smiling, and he sees the parents, hands clutching at their child’s shoulder tightly. He sees the media clamouring to get close to the coach and Manuel, microphones shoved under their noses as soon as possible so they can’t get away without answering at least one question. He sighs.

He knew it would be like this but it still stings at his very core and all he wants to do is get into the car, slam the door shut and head home. Home to Gelsenkirchen and his family. Hide away for a few days before flying somewhere hot and far away from the prying eyes and accusations of lethargy and indifference on the pitch. 

Leon appears beside him quietly, body close but not touching, eyes forward and narrow. Julian knows he’s hiding his emotions, closing himself off to the media, to the world. But he knows that Leon is hurting just as much, that the disappointment and disbelief is raging through his veins as well.

He edges closer, as close as he can without crowding and dips his head, resting his forehead on Leon’s shoulder lightly, eyes fixed on the floor, drawing out the world as much as he can. 

The only thing he feels is Leon and it’s a comfort to him. He feels the warmth seeping into his body, he feels the slow and deep breaths that Leon takes as he stares outwardly and he feels the deep hum that’s vibrating through Leon’s body. The hum that tells him that all Leon wants is to be home, to be around those who only care that he’s ok, those who want to lift him back up and raise him to where he should be.

Julian blinks slowly and takes a breath, before standing up straight again, pushing away from Leon slowly. 

“Ok?” Leon says quietly. 

“Could be better.” 

Leon nods in agreement and finally looks at him from the corner of his eye. “Home?”

It’s Julian’s turn to nod. 

—

The car’s quiet, only the soft throb of the engine and the other cars passing by breaking the silence. There’s no need to drown out the world here. There’s no press intruding in on them, nobody calling their names; wanting an explanation or sending a pitying glance; and Julian finally relaxes.

He finally lets his body sag and sink back into the seat, one hand holding his water bottle and the other pressed tightly to Leon’s, fingers tangled together. He squeezes once and rolls his head to watch Leon for a few moments. 

“You didn’t react.” He finally says quietly after studying Leon’s profile.

“I wanted more than anything to wrap my arms around you but it wasn’t the right time.” 

Julian hums. Leon’s right. Of course he is, but it still hurts that he couldn’t do anything more in that moment. “I’m glad you were there though.”

Leon smiles softly and returns the squeeze of his hand, holding it longer than before. “I wish it were different. I wish we were still in Russia. I wish we could do this -“ he raises their hands briefly “- in public. I wish so many things could happen and did happen.”

“I know, me too.”

—

It’s 2 hours later and Leon pulls into the driveway of Julian’s flat in Gelsenkirchen, the one he keeps for when he returns home to visit family, or Leon. 

“You staying?” He asks quietly before they even move to get out.

“For a couple of hours. Mum and dad want to see me tonight.”

“Ok.”

Julian understands, his own family are keen on seeing him. He’s not sure he’s as keen as they are, knows his dad will be overly critical of his performances. Not that he’d disagree on much, but he’s not exactly eager to speed up that process. 

He drops his bags haphazardly in the hallway when they get inside and hangs his jacket loosely on the hook behind the door before turning round to face Leon properly for the first time since last night. 

He notices now that there’s dark rings under his eyes and he looks weary, tired of the world. It’s not how a 23 year old with the world at his feet should look and Julian feels his heart sink. He wishes that he could’ve helped make the last few weeks better for Leon, that he could’ve done something to make sure that look never touched his face.

“It’s not your fault Jule.” Leon says softly as if reading his mind.

Julian doesn’t say anything, he just reaches forward and bunches his hand in the front of Leon’s jacket, pulling slightly to make Leon step to him.

He can’t help thinking how strong Leon feels, how physically big Leon feels when he wraps his arms around him tightly. He breathes it in, breathes in the warmth and strength that is Leon, and squeezes tighter, determined to make it last as long as possible. Hoping that it’ll seep into him somehow. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles, face pressed into Leon’s neck. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault, it’s on all of us.”

Julian sighs into him, hands pressing into Leon’s shoulder blades desperately trying to pull him closer, hoping that it will help, hoping that it will help him forget. They stand there for a while, just wrapped in each other and breathing each other in until Leon pulls back slightly. 

“I love you, you know.” He whispers, eyes piercing Julian’s, thumb tracing the corner of his lips. “So much.”

Julian smiles for the first time since before the match. “I love you too.”

Leon’s eyes soften and he returns the smile. A smile that never fails to take Julian’s breath away.

The kiss that follows is soft and careful, full of hope and promise, and warmth. 

“I should go.” Leon mutters, barely pulling back enough to speak. “I don’t want to but I have to.”

“It’s fine. You go. I’ll book us something to fly out tomorrow. I'll call you later with the details.”

“Ok.”

Julian closes the gap again to press the softest of kisses against Leon’s lips. “See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow.” Leon sighs softly before stepping back fully and turning to the door. “Love you.” He calls, closing the door behind him.

Julian watches the closed door for far longer than he should and only moves when his phone vibrates in his pocket. 

_**Leon: This time tomorrow: you, me, sun, sea, sand and…… ;-)** _

Julian grins.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “Something To Believe In” by Bon Jovi.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Until I'm safe in your arms](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15328551) by [Yyydelilah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yyydelilah/pseuds/Yyydelilah)




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